Decision making : Do we have absolute control?

When we make choices in life, we make it knowingly. No matter how we are 'forced' into it, there is always this element of decision-making. Even if one decides on a resolution or makes a compromise, it is still a conscious decision. A decision to be 'forced' into that outcome. Or a decision to accept a certain pre-arranged outcome. Still, a decision.

No matter how some folks claim to be robbed of certain decisions, I honestly do not buy that crap. One decides to accept that a decision is taken out of his/her hand - still a decision. Or one can decide to do something about it to lessen (or maybe even eliminate) the frustration. Always a decision.

Not happy? Do something about the situation.
Not satisfied? Find the means to meet that need/want.
Not fulfilled? Change the way things are done.

What is the point of venting one's frustrations in social media when all it really achieves is to make that person look like a fool?

Supporting Success

"Behind every successful man is a woman"

We hear this all the time, since the beginning of time.
As the world population evolves, we are constantly challenged to look outside of our comfort zones. So, is it that much of a surprise that we should also consider the below saying?

"Behind every successful woman is a man"

Not being sexist. Just thinking out of the norm. Really, have you thought about it?

I know many successful ladies. Ladies who are up there in the corporate world. Ladies who travel the world. Ladies who can still manage a kid or two while juggling her career. Those, I really admire. I constantly remind them how awesome they are to be able to manage two of the most difficult jobs - being a career woman and being a mother. But let's be practical. She cannot be successful by herself. She needs support. From her partner/hubby, from her parents, from her family.

So, if your partner/wife is a successful career woman, please do not feel intimidated. Some folks tell me it's a built-in DNA for men to feel intimidated by successful women. Maybe, maybe not.

Men who are intimidated by their successful wives/partners, grow some balls. Lose the insecurities. There is nothing wrong with a woman managing a successful career AND a family. F**k the norm. Says who we have to do what the rest of the world does. So, it makes your family abit more special. Be proud of that! Ignore the noise from your insecure friends who still live in the Stone Age and believe that a woman's place is in the kitchen/at home.

The man in my life may have some insecurities but there is one area that I am always proud of him. To be able to hold his head up high and tell his friends :

"I am proud of my woman!"

Cruel world

As you struggle internally,
And fretted externally,
All I could do,
Amidst all the frustrations...

Is to hold you tightly.
Is to support you emotionally.
Is to remind you that I am still here,
Will still be here for a long, long time.

Times ahead will be tough.
Very tough.
So tough that it will sap you (and us) dry.

To you, I will smile.
To you, I will stay strong.
To me, I will die a little inside.
To me, I will fight to not be bitter.

But, that's life.
Unpredictable and cruel.

Now you understand why I am constantly fighting for my own happiness? For my own life?
Because I know nothing is permanent in this world.

Not even Life.
Especially not Life.

The light

As we walked hand in hand towards the machine that will take you miles away, this light momentarily blinded us.

It reminded me that no matter how irresistable today's sunset may be, tomorrow's sunlight will always be more beautiful. More to offer us. More to live for.

You always lament that Life is so unfair. Always throwing challenges that seem almost impossible to recover from. And I always tell you "No matter what happens, I will always be there to support you". I meant it when I said these words years ago, I still mean it today.

So no matter how tough the going gets, please remember that we are in this together. For life. Do not attempt to shoulder all of the s**t on your shoulders. I have strong shoulders too (thanks to Body Pump and Body Combat, heh!).

As long as we do not give up the fight, we will always win in the end.

Remember, remember that!

One month old!

Today marks my full month in this new world and it feels damn good!

It's true that time really flies when we're having fun. I can't believe it has been four weeks of awesomeness. Four of the best weeks in a long, long time.

I feel alive.
I feel loved.
I feel heard.
I feel meaningful.
I feel fullfilled.

It's strange how we think we've got it good. Until something great happens and we realise we've been missing out on the greatness.

Here's to a titanic shift as we journey down this exciting path!

Pearl of the East

I thought I wouldn't like Hong Kong.
I thought I'd find it too noisy. Too crowded. Too messy.
I thought I'd struggle communicating with the locals.

Well, I thought wrong.

I surprised myself, actually.The discussions in Cantonese, the local din as I savour my meals, the 'cha chan teng' I found myself drawn to....I seem to blend right in.

And in a strange way, the country reminds me alot of my beloved Penang, albeit on a much, much larger scale. Come to think of it, it is like a hybrid of Penang and Singapore. Maybe that's why I fitted in so well.

Today, a close friend asked me the million dollar question:
Would I choose to live in Hong Kong or in Taiwan?

Without batting an eyelash, I answered "Hong Kong!". Just because it is more vibrant, it is more happening, it offers more career opportunities, it is just so much more exciting.

Then I sat down to think about it. Hard.
And I realised I changed my mind.

After spending a night thinking, I changed my answer due to below reasons.

• Better quality of life in Taiwan (less stressful)
• More civilized people in Taiwan (there are just way too many immigrants from mainland China in Hong Kong). People in Taiwan are warmer and friendlier. More willing to stop whatever they are doing to help you out. In Hong Kong, it's more a dog-eat-dog's world.
• Better air quality in Taiwan. I have yet to see clear skies in my one week in Hong Kong. Everyday is hazy like there is a perpetual open fire burning somewhere. Strange thing is, there is no smell. Just low visibility.

Of course there are other areas that Hong Kong rated higher than Taiwan in my books but I guess it's all about a balancing act. Which are more important, which are just nice-to-haves.

I will end this post with this breath-taking picture of the city's nightline.



On bended knees

It feels great that I am working for the folks who invented the device that changed my mom's life last year.

For someone who is very active and a social butterfly, TKR totally turned her life around.

However, it is easy for folks below the age of 50 to take their knees for granted. I often hear folks saying "Aiyah, I'm still young. No need to worry about knee problems yet!"

WRONG.
Other than old age, there are many ways we can abuse/overuse our knees. Therefore, it is crucial for us to take good care of our knees. After all, they will serve us for many decades to come.

Below is a video of some simple steps we can take to give some TLC to our knees.

Let's start taking good care of them so that they can take good care of us for years to come.

Heavenly World

Confession:

There are many things I love about this new world I am in, but there is one thing that I love the most. It's the simple fact that I get to meet this new world with a naked face everyday.

No un-natural stuff piled on my face. No judgemental glares from anyone. Just a bunch of folks who are comfortable being themselves offering the best of themselves.

I think I am in Heaven.

:)

Stryking it

From one world to another, my hemispheric move has been most interesting. Frankly, I didn't realise I still have the resilience to embrace such drastic changes. Plus the challenges thrown in from unexpected quarters. You know what they say - "What doesn't break us will just make us stronger." And stronger is definitely how I feel now.

Those who started throwing accusations without taking the effort to understand why I said and did what I did, I feel sorry for you. Really I do. I have made my decision. I have moved on. I have decided to be happy and free.

Live with it.
I'm living it and loving it.

Deal with it.
I'm enjoying the best deal of my life. At this point in my life.

Accept it.
That I will be happy wherever I am with whoever there is in my life.

That's a choice I made. That's a choice I will live with.
That's a choice you have to learn to accept if you want to be part of my life.

Direction & goal

With just 15 days on the clock, the big man sat me down and had a good heart-to-heart talk with me today.

In slightly more than an hour, we talked about nothing and everything. About no one and everyone. About him and about me. About us as a whole. And as usual, he had a lot to say. This time, I was determined to have my lot to say too. And said a lot, I did. Heh.

Above all that was said between us today, one thing stood out for me. And for that, I will be eternally grateful to him. Not so much the opportunity for us to talk so openly, but more so the opportunity to dig deep into my being. To remind me of my strengths, never to lose the passion, never to fear the unknown and strangely but truly, to know my goal.

I generally know which direction I want to be moving towards and what my goal is. I keep singing the same tune : "I want to be happy"

But.

How do I intend to stay happy?
Will what make me happy today be able to make me happy 5 years down the road? 10 years?
Will I still have the same level of passion to drive what I am driving today?
How do I maintain the passion?

Admittedly, these are questions I have never asked myself before.
Until now.


I guess it's time to start planning for the next beautiful chapter. I have been joy riding for too long now.

:)

Speed of me

From the minute I open my eyes in the mornings,
Till the time I close my eyes at nights,
It is go go go go go!

It's alright if you need to ponder,
To calculate risks,
To measure probabilities,
Any kind of steps just to be extra careful,
Be more sure of your decision.

But.

Please do not expect me to wait for you.
Please do not expect me to slow down just for you.
Please do not expect me to live any less of life.

I will not do that for you or for anyone else.
So, please keep up! Or get out of my way!

Wind of Change

Am I sure?
No.

Am I scared?
Yes.

Am I worried?
A little.

Am I confident?
I have to be.

Am I regretful?
Never.

Am I excited?
A little, but I am sure it will pick up as the days go by.

So, here we go again. Riding the wind of change.

Never looking back, feeling the wind in my hair, the sun on my face, the freedom in my heart and soul. Most of all, the joy of the moment.

Carpe Diem.

The journey, not the destination

I am suspicious,
but I shall not dig deeper.

I am unconvinced,
but I shall not over-think.

I am skeptical,
but I shall believe in the benefit of the doubt.

I am weary,
but I shall keep an open mind for opportunities.

Despite it all, I am pretty sure it will all work out the way it should be. I just need to sit back and enjoy the ride.

:)

Him

I am not a religious person.

You told me that you didn't like how you are tested. How we are tested. I reminded you to take it as a challenge. From the One up there to test our resilience. To challenges and to changes. I reminded you that we can only grow stronger from it. After all, we have been through so much. We have survived so far. Why doubt ourselves now?

Days and nights have passed. I am now able to see past the emotions. And understand that it is indeed for the better. Perhaps you needed a training ground to grow stronger. On your own. With me, you are always spoilt. Without me, you will be forced to stand for yourself. Perhaps you can then learn to stand for us too? Less weight on my shoulders. Heh.

I am not a religious person.

But I do believe and trust in Him to throw us the right challenges. To steer us in the right direction. To believe in our strengths and our limitations. To believe in us.

I am definitely not a religious person.
But I believe in Him.

Reason

I am a firm believer of the saying "Everything happens for a reason".
Always have been, always will be.

However, there will be days when this belief is challenged. Sometimes, even scorned at. Each and every time, I fight back. I hold my nose up high. Reminding everyone else how strong a believer I am. Even behind closed doors, there will always be slaps of self-reminder that there is indeed a reason for everything every time.

But today is not one of those days.

As I digest the news, I struggle to internalise my emotions and my thoughts. Deep inside, I know there is indeed a reason for this. And I would like to believe it is for better, brighters days ahead.

But today, all logic have been pushed to the back as my emotions forged forward. Selfishly occupying all the space there is in my mind and heart. Usually, there is an auto-reflex to fight back. But not today.

Today, I just want to crawl into your arms and cry.

The maybe cycle

In the midst of all the madness.
In the midst of all the excitement.
In the midst of all the confusion.
It hits me over the head. Hard.

And reminds me that Life is indeed so very unpredictable.
Never to stay too comfortable in one spot.
Keeping complacency at bay.

Am I ready for the change?
Am I able to meet the challenge?
Am I confident enough to take the step into the unknown?

The cycle begins. All over again.

Fret Free

Some days, I fret and fret.
Some days, I allow the guilt to take over everything else.
Some days, I wouldn't allow me to enjoy myself.
Just because I fret and fret,

And one day, I realised.
I've gotten so engrossed in the fretting, that I forgot why I needed to fret in the first place.

So why fret?!?

The Speed Song

We breathe speed.
We eat and sleep speed.
We talk, walk and play speed.
And then when it comes to our biggest assets,
We hear a different tune.

Suddenly, it's about what's right and what's proper.
Speed will need to be compromised, you say.
BS, I say!

Makes me wonder if we really are about speed.
Gah.

Walk the talk

You keep close to the ground.
You keep the floodgates open.
You are not afraid to face the fire.
Basically, you walk the talk.
And that, we respect.

Thank you for your vote of confidence.

Day by day

Yet another day.
Another race.
Another battle.
Another win.

Call me sadistic but I welcome the pain.
Because with the pain comes the gain.
And with the gain comes the strength.

To fight yet another day.

Superwoman

I know,
What you did and what you said.
I know,
What you think I don't know.
I know,
Who says what to you.
I know,
What you say to who.
I know.
So please stop thinking (or hoping) that I don't know.

Because you see, I have super powers.
Really, I do.

:D

In the middle of the night

The screaming, the tears that seem to appear from nowhere. They are all just too scary. And painful.You reach out to me as I writhe in the darkness. Screaming into the silent of the night. Cradling my tensed body, you do all you can to make the pain go away. 

Then as suddenly as it came, the pain eases. The tears stop. The drowsiness returns. I am suddenly aware of the warmth of your arms wrapped around me. In my sleepiness, I mumbled my thanks. You whispered assurances. Go back to sleep, I hear those words.

I hate cramps in the middle of the night.

Being open

Simple displeasure, annoyance. Or just plain misunderstanding.
All could go terribly, terribly wrong if there is no clear communication.

But I am thankful.
For the way we are able to bear our souls, open our hearts. Basically throw it all out.

And come out of it feeling so much lighter.
So much loved. So much understood.

It's all so much better when there is clear and open communication, hmmm? :) 

Drained

At this point, I am doing the best I can with what's thrown my way. So you have to understand that I am short on tolerance when it comes to trivial matters that do not necessitate any major brainstorming or thought mapping.

I support you by being understanding. By not pushing you to do things beyond what you are ready or able to do. By leaving you to your own time and space. By making things easy so that you don't have to worry about basic everyday pressures.

What I ask from you in return is to be patient. And when you are feeling frustrated, to save your sarcasm for someone else who appreciate it. I don't.

Is that really so hard?

Support me as how I am supporting you.
Or leave.

Buddy

Hey buddy.

 

It may seem tough.
It may seem frustrating.
It may seem hopeless.

But you and I.
We know.

We're tougher.
We give frustration a new definition.
We turn doubts into hope and then reality.

We kick balls.
'Nuff said.

Special Someone

It was a date I went to weeks ago.

At first, I was a little skeptical.
Will it be awkward?
Will we not have anything much to say?
Will we end up disliking what we learn about each other?

Turned out, we had an amazing time!
And the minutes rolled into hours.

Even though it was our first real date, it seemed the decade that we knew each other counted for something. We talked like old buddies. Laughed like children. Opened our hearts, holding nothing back.

Yes, it was indeed amazing.

Life goes on after that.
Both of us swept by Life and Love.

Yet, we know.
We will never be the same again.

Paradise

The view as I head to get my cardio fix this morning.

Dream : To enjoy this view every single day of my life.

Action required : Get a flat-bellied, dashing sugar daddy to get me out of the rat race.

Reality : No flat-bellied, dashing sugar daddy but have a demanding job in the city.

Oh well.
Guess I've to find alternative ways of achieving the dream.

Time for home-hunting again, perhaps?
:)

Burning out

Physical exhaustion can be fought.
Emotional exhaustion can be endured.
Mental exhaustion can be compartmentalized.

But a combination of all 3 - makes me wanna shout out in exasperation, pull hair in frustration and just plead insanity.

I need my Paradise Island. NOW.

No-regrets list

Recent conversation with someone goes like this.

She: You don't have any plans with friends this CNY?
Me: Nope.
She: Why? I thought your social calendar is usually very full every year?
Me: Not this year.
She: Oh? Your friends all out of town izzit?
Me: Nope. Lots are still in town.
She: Then why...?
Me: Just because.

If the conversation had to go so far for it to end, I didn't see any point in explaining myself. :)

I pondered. How do I explain why I am not filling up my schedule with visiting extended family members or catching up with friends, the two most popular activities during the biggest Chinese festival for all Chinese around the world.

I figured. I've been doing the same thing year in, year out. For as long as I can remember. Always busy running around trying to squeeze a friend here, a relative there, another long-time-no-see friend somewhere into my 24hour day.

I decided. How about my seen-once-in-a-while-but-always-too-busy-to-spend-quality-time-together parents? They are aging as the years roll by. Sometimes, I know they want to spend more time with me but are too proud to ask for my time. Or maybe too fearful of hearing "I am too busy". I must take full responsibility for that. I caught myself saying that to them one time too many.

So I acted. On doing things differently this year. Some understand. Some accuse me of being snooty. Well, if you understand how I chose to celebrate CNY this year, I guess you are for keeps. If you don't, oh well.

Ultimately, I am just fulfilling my 'no-regrets' list.
:)

Meaningless

My eyes avert.
My lips compress.
My mind shuts.
My heart chills.

This is what happens when we come into contact.

Yet.
I remind myself.
I should learn to let go of the negative emotions you evoke from within, because really.

You don't mean a thing.

Rotten Egg

When you struggled,
When you faltered,
When you got confused,
When you lost your way.

I offered my hand.
I offered my mind.
I offered my time.

I know I didn't have to.
You know I didn't have to.
The whole world knows I didn't have to.
Yet, I did.

Today.
You made me wish I didn't.
And had left you to rot all by your miserable self.

TQ

There are some people who make us smile.
There are some people who make us giggle.
And then, there are people who make us throw our head back and laugh till our tummy hurts.
Just by being themselves. With us being ourselves.

Thank you for those people in my life.
Words cannot describe how much of a difference you make to my days.
My life.

Reflections of 2012

A little belated but somehow, a must.

***
Some stuffs stood out, some blended in uneventfully.
Top 3 lessons for 2012.


#1: Being strong
I've always known that I am strong. Folks constantly tell me I am strong. But in 2012, my emotional and psychological strength was put to a big test. I was forced to a dark, dark corner of no return. Thankfully, I was able to push my way out of the dark and actually emerged stronger. Admittedly, I surprised myself.

#2: Moving on
Living and relishing life each day is a pleasure. Unknowingly but surely, that can turn into a trap too. Keeping us locked in a zone of delirium. And in a rather strange way, causing us to deny commitment beyond today. This 2012, it forced me to think beyond being happy today. And finally it dawned on me...I need to commit to being happy into the future too.

#3: Setting right priorities
For many years, I dreamt about getting my first million. In 2012, some lessons taught me how inconsequential that dream truly is .Well, for me anyways. So with new priorities in mind, I found myself happier, freer and most definitely truer. At certain junctions, it may get tough, but hey. Who wants an easy, boring life anyways?

2013 is definitely going to be different. It is already so different in so many ways and January is only halfway through!

Happy New Year, folks :)

I wonder why, I wonder how

You are like a fish bone in my being.
Stubbornly lodged for a long, long time.

No amount of rice-balls I swallow can dislodge you.
Nor the amount of empathy can shake me out of it.

Over the years, I thought I'd tire of you.
And eventually you'd find your own way out.

It's been almost a decade now.
Yet you are still here somehow.

When will you ever leave?
Or will you ever leave at all?

Most importantly, do I want you to leave?

 

Right here, right now

"They spoil me but you pamper me."

Life is about appreciating what we have, enjoying what we can, maximizing the possibilities, loving the now, embracing the challenges, smiling in the face of adversity, giggling in the presence of hiccups, reveling in the love.

Others may scorn and judge, but we stand firm by our decision.

Life is really too short to spend pleasing others.
There's already not enough time to please ourselves!
:)

The real test

... is not when things are rosy.
... is not when people are happy.
... is not when resources are aplenty.
... is not when opportunity is knocking.

But it is when the belief is strong,
the action/inaction is unquestioned,
the trust is unwavering,
and the love true.