Burning out

Physical exhaustion can be fought.
Emotional exhaustion can be endured.
Mental exhaustion can be compartmentalized.

But a combination of all 3 - makes me wanna shout out in exasperation, pull hair in frustration and just plead insanity.

I need my Paradise Island. NOW.

No-regrets list

Recent conversation with someone goes like this.

She: You don't have any plans with friends this CNY?
Me: Nope.
She: Why? I thought your social calendar is usually very full every year?
Me: Not this year.
She: Oh? Your friends all out of town izzit?
Me: Nope. Lots are still in town.
She: Then why...?
Me: Just because.

If the conversation had to go so far for it to end, I didn't see any point in explaining myself. :)

I pondered. How do I explain why I am not filling up my schedule with visiting extended family members or catching up with friends, the two most popular activities during the biggest Chinese festival for all Chinese around the world.

I figured. I've been doing the same thing year in, year out. For as long as I can remember. Always busy running around trying to squeeze a friend here, a relative there, another long-time-no-see friend somewhere into my 24hour day.

I decided. How about my seen-once-in-a-while-but-always-too-busy-to-spend-quality-time-together parents? They are aging as the years roll by. Sometimes, I know they want to spend more time with me but are too proud to ask for my time. Or maybe too fearful of hearing "I am too busy". I must take full responsibility for that. I caught myself saying that to them one time too many.

So I acted. On doing things differently this year. Some understand. Some accuse me of being snooty. Well, if you understand how I chose to celebrate CNY this year, I guess you are for keeps. If you don't, oh well.

Ultimately, I am just fulfilling my 'no-regrets' list.
:)

Meaningless

My eyes avert.
My lips compress.
My mind shuts.
My heart chills.

This is what happens when we come into contact.

Yet.
I remind myself.
I should learn to let go of the negative emotions you evoke from within, because really.

You don't mean a thing.

Rotten Egg

When you struggled,
When you faltered,
When you got confused,
When you lost your way.

I offered my hand.
I offered my mind.
I offered my time.

I know I didn't have to.
You know I didn't have to.
The whole world knows I didn't have to.
Yet, I did.

Today.
You made me wish I didn't.
And had left you to rot all by your miserable self.

TQ

There are some people who make us smile.
There are some people who make us giggle.
And then, there are people who make us throw our head back and laugh till our tummy hurts.
Just by being themselves. With us being ourselves.

Thank you for those people in my life.
Words cannot describe how much of a difference you make to my days.
My life.

Reflections of 2012

A little belated but somehow, a must.

***
Some stuffs stood out, some blended in uneventfully.
Top 3 lessons for 2012.


#1: Being strong
I've always known that I am strong. Folks constantly tell me I am strong. But in 2012, my emotional and psychological strength was put to a big test. I was forced to a dark, dark corner of no return. Thankfully, I was able to push my way out of the dark and actually emerged stronger. Admittedly, I surprised myself.

#2: Moving on
Living and relishing life each day is a pleasure. Unknowingly but surely, that can turn into a trap too. Keeping us locked in a zone of delirium. And in a rather strange way, causing us to deny commitment beyond today. This 2012, it forced me to think beyond being happy today. And finally it dawned on me...I need to commit to being happy into the future too.

#3: Setting right priorities
For many years, I dreamt about getting my first million. In 2012, some lessons taught me how inconsequential that dream truly is .Well, for me anyways. So with new priorities in mind, I found myself happier, freer and most definitely truer. At certain junctions, it may get tough, but hey. Who wants an easy, boring life anyways?

2013 is definitely going to be different. It is already so different in so many ways and January is only halfway through!

Happy New Year, folks :)

I wonder why, I wonder how

You are like a fish bone in my being.
Stubbornly lodged for a long, long time.

No amount of rice-balls I swallow can dislodge you.
Nor the amount of empathy can shake me out of it.

Over the years, I thought I'd tire of you.
And eventually you'd find your own way out.

It's been almost a decade now.
Yet you are still here somehow.

When will you ever leave?
Or will you ever leave at all?

Most importantly, do I want you to leave?