Direction & goal

With just 15 days on the clock, the big man sat me down and had a good heart-to-heart talk with me today.

In slightly more than an hour, we talked about nothing and everything. About no one and everyone. About him and about me. About us as a whole. And as usual, he had a lot to say. This time, I was determined to have my lot to say too. And said a lot, I did. Heh.

Above all that was said between us today, one thing stood out for me. And for that, I will be eternally grateful to him. Not so much the opportunity for us to talk so openly, but more so the opportunity to dig deep into my being. To remind me of my strengths, never to lose the passion, never to fear the unknown and strangely but truly, to know my goal.

I generally know which direction I want to be moving towards and what my goal is. I keep singing the same tune : "I want to be happy"

But.

How do I intend to stay happy?
Will what make me happy today be able to make me happy 5 years down the road? 10 years?
Will I still have the same level of passion to drive what I am driving today?
How do I maintain the passion?

Admittedly, these are questions I have never asked myself before.
Until now.


I guess it's time to start planning for the next beautiful chapter. I have been joy riding for too long now.

:)

Speed of me

From the minute I open my eyes in the mornings,
Till the time I close my eyes at nights,
It is go go go go go!

It's alright if you need to ponder,
To calculate risks,
To measure probabilities,
Any kind of steps just to be extra careful,
Be more sure of your decision.

But.

Please do not expect me to wait for you.
Please do not expect me to slow down just for you.
Please do not expect me to live any less of life.

I will not do that for you or for anyone else.
So, please keep up! Or get out of my way!

Wind of Change

Am I sure?
No.

Am I scared?
Yes.

Am I worried?
A little.

Am I confident?
I have to be.

Am I regretful?
Never.

Am I excited?
A little, but I am sure it will pick up as the days go by.

So, here we go again. Riding the wind of change.

Never looking back, feeling the wind in my hair, the sun on my face, the freedom in my heart and soul. Most of all, the joy of the moment.

Carpe Diem.

The journey, not the destination

I am suspicious,
but I shall not dig deeper.

I am unconvinced,
but I shall not over-think.

I am skeptical,
but I shall believe in the benefit of the doubt.

I am weary,
but I shall keep an open mind for opportunities.

Despite it all, I am pretty sure it will all work out the way it should be. I just need to sit back and enjoy the ride.

:)

Him

I am not a religious person.

You told me that you didn't like how you are tested. How we are tested. I reminded you to take it as a challenge. From the One up there to test our resilience. To challenges and to changes. I reminded you that we can only grow stronger from it. After all, we have been through so much. We have survived so far. Why doubt ourselves now?

Days and nights have passed. I am now able to see past the emotions. And understand that it is indeed for the better. Perhaps you needed a training ground to grow stronger. On your own. With me, you are always spoilt. Without me, you will be forced to stand for yourself. Perhaps you can then learn to stand for us too? Less weight on my shoulders. Heh.

I am not a religious person.

But I do believe and trust in Him to throw us the right challenges. To steer us in the right direction. To believe in our strengths and our limitations. To believe in us.

I am definitely not a religious person.
But I believe in Him.

Reason

I am a firm believer of the saying "Everything happens for a reason".
Always have been, always will be.

However, there will be days when this belief is challenged. Sometimes, even scorned at. Each and every time, I fight back. I hold my nose up high. Reminding everyone else how strong a believer I am. Even behind closed doors, there will always be slaps of self-reminder that there is indeed a reason for everything every time.

But today is not one of those days.

As I digest the news, I struggle to internalise my emotions and my thoughts. Deep inside, I know there is indeed a reason for this. And I would like to believe it is for better, brighters days ahead.

But today, all logic have been pushed to the back as my emotions forged forward. Selfishly occupying all the space there is in my mind and heart. Usually, there is an auto-reflex to fight back. But not today.

Today, I just want to crawl into your arms and cry.

The maybe cycle

In the midst of all the madness.
In the midst of all the excitement.
In the midst of all the confusion.
It hits me over the head. Hard.

And reminds me that Life is indeed so very unpredictable.
Never to stay too comfortable in one spot.
Keeping complacency at bay.

Am I ready for the change?
Am I able to meet the challenge?
Am I confident enough to take the step into the unknown?

The cycle begins. All over again.