Skeletons and demons

Never mind that it makes us a little bit sad.
Never mind that it robbed us of our much-needed rest.
Never mind that we both look like pandas the next morning.

All that we should mind is that all cards are laid down on the table.
All feelings bared. All demons faced.
All skeletons out of the closet.

I am so proud of us.
Of how far we have come. How strong we have become. How sure we have gotten.

I know I sound like a broken record but remember, remember this.

As long as you have given your best with no regrets, you are the best of who you are.
And those who truly love you will appreciate the best of you.

And for me, you are the best that will ever be for me.
Because you, as corny as it sounds, complete me.

:)

My strength, my weakness

"Why do you have to put your own needs last? Why don't you be selfish and put yourself above them all?"

"Because I am just not wired that way. Sorry."

You know how folks say that our strengths will sometimes turn into our weaknesses?
I guess it's really true.

I never thought I'd admit this...but this is one of the very few times that I wish you ain't so strong. Though it doesn't mean that I love you any less. It does, however, make me angry at the world.

Never mind.
It may very well be up to me now. It may very well mean that I have to be the strong one.

But will I end up being strong for us? Or strong for only me?
Only time can tell, we know that.

Bitchy Me

I know I am being unreasonable sometimes.
I know I make the biggest fuss over the smallest matters.
I know I can be a difficult bitch.

But I will not apologize for any of them.

Because the day you farked up all that we had, is the day you lost my respect. And like I said to you many times, you need to earn it back. It may be weeks from now. Or months. Or even frigging years. There is no definite timeline for it, really. It's all about how hard you work for it.

And until the day I am convinced that you have worked hard enough, you will have to bear with me being a bitch.

Take it or leave it.
It's your choice.

Just remember that there will not be another me. 

Gentle reminder

Honestly, I don't think anybody will go through what I go through for you. And for your sake, I hope you understand that well. Like, really well. Like, into your most inner being well.

This is not a threat.

Just a reminder that you are still on probation.

Learning & Living

Throughout this exciting journey called Life, we make mistakes. We fall down. We get hurt. We get up. We move on. And the cycle repeats itself, over and over again.

We then deal with each cycle in our own unique way.

However, do remember one thing : The lesson learnt.

No matter how sorry we may be. No matter how much longing and aching we feel in our hearts. And no matter good the other party is at defending their reasons, we have given our all too. That counts for something, doesn't it?

Cry and mourn if you have to. Be angry, be sad. Go on that emotional roller coaster ride.
But don't short change yourself.

Don't forget that for every tear you shed, you are richer in experience. You learn how to filter through empty promises. You learn how to only give to those who have already proven themselves worthy. You learn to see through the facade of lust and loneliness.

You learn.
And live on.

Stronger and surer than before.

The P Word

Regardless of where we find ourselves or which direction we move towards, we keep bumping into it.
Some hate it while others live for it.

Me? I hate it.

I know I am forced to do it sometimes. And some tell me I am quite good at it if I really want to do it. But you see, I don't. It feels completely unnatural to me. And I absolutely detest the way I feel inside when I am doing it.

But again, I know I have to do it.
It's part and parcel of surviving in the big, bad world we function in.

Sigh.

Agree to Disagree

You see the differences, I see the uniqueness.
You say it's imperfection, I say it's character.
You get frustrated, I get intrigued.

So we need to agree to disagree.

Doesn't make any of us more wrong, or more right.
It just makes us ... Us.

You are never judged for your beliefs and standards.
Why should you judge other beliefs and standards?

Until the day you come to terms with the above, you will never be able get out of this dark zone you find yourself in now. Until the day you are able to embrace the differences around you, you will never be able to rid of the negativity gnawing at you from within.

When you are ready to open up your heart, you know where to find me.
Until then, I remain me.

And I will never apologize for being me.

A strong We

When two people decide that they want to spend their lives with each other, there are many elements to consider. And one thing's for sure : Love as an element by itself is definitely not enough to guarantee blue skies and sunny days. 

Sure, it's essential. But it'll be foolish to think that it's all that's needed.

IMHO, the glue that keeps two persons together is what they believe in, how willing they are to fight for their own beliefs and what kind of sacrifices they deem crucial to stay happy together.

So yes, it's a lot of hard work.

You may tell me that you want to wake up next to me every morning. You may tell me that you believe in our love. You may tell me that you'd do anything to keep us happy.

The ultimate question I have for you is : Are you strong enough to walk this path with me? 

We both know that the path I have chosen is not popular, nor an easy one. We will encounter challenges and sometimes, even contempt from folks who do not share our beliefs. I know I can stand strong. And will fight the meanest demons to stand by my beliefs. Will you be strong enough to fight your own demons too?

I will be completely honest and tell you that I do not want to spend my life with someone who is constantly stressed about keeping others happy. I know that I will be very adamant about keeping my own happiness above everything else and by that same token, the happiness of my life partner above everything else. Sure we'd compromise on certain things between us but that's where I draw the line. No one else can dictate our definition of happiness. Not family, not friends. No one but you and me.

It doesn't mean that I love them any less. It just means that I love us more, and I know that no one else will love us if we do not love ourselves.

I hope you understand that. And understand it well.

Because without that, there is no We. Just You. And just Me.
So to have a We, there must be a strong You and Me.

I know I am.
Are you?  

Water under the bridge

It saddened me then.
It saddens me now.

That we have so much to share with each other, but none to really give at all. Hands tied behind our backs and heavy hearts, we both knew that we had to do what we had to do. For what it's worth, maybe it makes it easier to think of it as us repaying our karma. Hmmm? :)

We all have our demons to fight, you say. I really couldn't agree more. Some just take more time, and need more effort than others, I guess.

Although it's all water under the bridge now, at least let it be calm in its flow down the path of Life. Not bitter, choppy flow. It only serves to create more miserableness. And bitterness. Which over time eats at us alive from within. You and I both know this well.

As we retreat to our respective corners, we must remind ourselves that we are not alone. Be comforted with the knowledge that we have each other in our thoughts and hearts. And wish for nothing but happiness for all.

As my all-time favourite saying goes, Life is really too short to be spent miserable. Nor bitter.

Respect

It's as fragile as trust.
And requires just as much work to regain once broken.

However to me, there is a slight difference between them.

Even when I do not trust a person, I still think it's possible to respect that person. For whatever it was that broke the trust does not automatically break the respect. Not the case for respect though. If you lose my respect, it basically means I have lost everything worthwhile about you. By then, there really is no need for any trust anymore, is there?

So please. Remember this.

To keep me in your life, you have got to have my respect. It's earned of course. Not automatically granted just because. Doesn't matter if you do not have a fancy name card from an MNC. Or that you don't have a fat wallet nor zoom around in a flashy car. You only need to possess one thing, really.

A sincere and strong heart.

That's not too much to ask for, is that? 

Doing it differently

Something changed in me recently.
And I believe something changed in you too.

We have been going with the flow for awhile now.
And now, it's time to shake things up abit.

"To get different results, we have to do things differently" - so goes the famous saying.

It's true, huh.
Very applicable professionally and personally.

So differently is how we are going to be doing things from now on.
Are you ready for it?

I know I am.